The "Al Gore" school of business

1) Find an appropriate apocalypse-mongering theory. It shouldn't be hard: Science is on a global decline.
2) Cook-up data to prove your point. Hide things that contradict your conclusions. Bash and discredit those that are not part of your conspiracy and will not buy it.
3) Make significant investment in technology which will "solve the problem". That way, when your theory establishes itself as mainstream, you'll be years ahead of everyone.
4) Instill fear into the public while presenting your theory. Throw in some cute animals dying. Win prizes for your efforts and then wield them as if you were born with them. Hold a free concert, preferably featuring Bono. Make a movie.
5) Organize international conferences to "warn the world". Treat your opponents as crazies, unconcerned with the future of the planet, their own children and those cute animals dying.
6) Use your "concern" as a way to distract people away from the real cruelty in the planet.
7) Profit from the "scientific agreement" and the fear in the public to pass legislation that makes it mandatory to turn to your "problem-fixing" technology.
8) Rake in the money. Go ahead: buy an SUV with it. It won't hurt anyone.
9) If your conspiracy ever gets discovered, disregard the exposé as "taken out of context" or just plainly ignore it.

Surreal awards

I mean, come on, your average Miss Wyoming also calls for world peace, EXCEPT her cute little smile is not a facade for murder, torture, and bloody colonial occupations.

The autheur theory

The challenge is to create cooler worlds than the one god supposedly made.

Games

It is interesting that the only games adults play are sexual in nature.

Lifetime achievement

At the bank robbery itself, he had shot nobody.

That evening, however, he left a trail of 48 dead and 102 hurt, ranking him the most succesful mass murderer ever.

(Pretty good, considering that just that very morning, he was only a nobody with some debts to pay.)

Exchange between man and god

- So what's it gonna be like?
- Well you are free to do everything you want, but when you stray away from the path, I'll be sending you, you know, little tips to help you straighten your way.
- Like what? I mean, so that I know when I see them.
- Oh, don't worry, you'll know. I'm talking about things like killing your cousin or giving you cancer, that sort of things.
Man is not so sure. God pats him on the shoulder and smiles to show his bright white teeth, arranged like those of a shark.
- Now now, don't get so gloomy. See ya' in heaven, boy!

On a bus

An obscenely punk guy walks into a public bus, his mohawk and piercings drilling into his fellow passengers.

An old lady cant't help staring, her gaze drilling into him.

The punk, of course, does not like this.

--Anything special you looking at, lady?

The punk's remark is painfully obvious, but the old lady decides to ignore it.

Still, the punk tries to justify himself.

--The way I dress just shows who I am.

The lady coughs slightly before replying.

-- That is exactly what is so special about you, young man.

Another cough, almost for dramatic purposes.

-- You are the only one in this bus who dresses just to show what he is.